Hungry
by Sanhao Taitai
Summary: Round robin. Somewhat random, slightly silly. Vampire!ShoxKei interaction.
1. Chapter 1

Hungry (for lack of a better title)

By Sanhao Taitai (the collaborative efforts of Seraphina2, Kristen-san and feikoi)

Warning: Abbreviated round robin. Randomness may ensue.

He was hungry. For blood. And not just any blood.

"Kei-kun, where are you?"

"Not tonight, Sho."

Sho pouted. "What, are you going to claim you have a headache next?"

"How about stomachache, I haven't used that one lately." Kei closed his eyes and rubbed at his forehead wearily.

"But I want some," he whined.

"You always want some."

"Yeah, and I usually get some, too," Sho said matter-of-factly, eyebrows wiggling.

Kei shook his head. "Ever since I..." He trailed off, looking at the floored, embarrassed.

"Ne, Kei-kun." Poke. Poke.

"Not. Tonight."

"Why not?" Poke. Poke.

Kei glared. "You're perfectly capable of taking care of it yourself."

The door slammed open as a breathtakingly beautiful young woman swept into the room. Both men spun around, guns pointed towards the newcomer. They froze as they looked at her.

"Excuse me, I'm lost," she simpered in a tone of utmost innocence. "I'm looking fo---"

Sho sneezed and dropped his gun. "I dropped my shiny thing!" he exclaimed, and Kei used the distraction to turn away from the jealousy-inducing sight of Sho enraptured by not-him. Sho still stood staring at her. /Her veins...so close to the epithelial layer of her skin.../

The woman looked questioningly at the guns, too naïve to be afraid. "Excuse me?"

"Yes, excuse you," Kei huffed. "Haven't you heard of knocking?"

"Kei-kun..." Sho looked pleadingly at his companion. "I want some..."

The woman cleared her throat. "Excuse me?"

Kei glared daggers at the intruder, blond hair falling into his eyes. "Can't you see we're busy?" he growled.

(AN. SUBTEXT!)

"Umm...oh my." She blushed, finally registering their half-clothed state.

"Kei? Still hungry," he moaned, looking longingly at the blood rushing to the woman's face.

/Why did she have to come in now? I was having fun playing hard to get.../ The thoughts translated into a pout on the blonde's face as he contemplated the most expedient way of removing the woman from their abode. "Well... maybe..."

"So we can have her?"

A light finally dawned in the admittedly dim corners of her mind. "Umm... I- I think I'll be going now," she stuttered as she backed away and fled.

"She's not out of the hall yet." Sho blinked questioningly. "Should we shoot her?"

"No. Let her go." A shadow crossed over Kei's face. "She may be annoying, but she's an innocent."

Sho rolled his eyes. "Ok, but I'm still hungry."

-----

A.N. Based on a prompt from fiction writing class, twisted. We changed authors every few sentences, and decided we needed a bit of gratuitous Mary Sue torture. And the interjection? We'll warn you now -- feikoi is yaoi-obsessive. Don't blame most comments of that nature on the rest of us.


	2. Chapter 2

"I'm a fairy!" Kei shouted drunkenly.

"Kei, did you get into the Sugar again?"

Kei's eyes were glazed over. Sho's eyes gleamed michievously as he tried to figure out a way to take advantage of the situation.

"There was this one... person... that I found in an alley... that had something... that was going... in their arm... I think... maybe... They looked really happy! And vulnerable..." Kei grinned with unbalanced malevolence. He looked as unbalanced as a drunken tightrope walker.

"Kei?" Sho questioned, "Are you drunk?"

"Drunk? No. I'm a fairy," he proclaimed matter-of-factly. "So are you."

The ghost of Toshi wandered in, "He's not drunk; he's high," and popped back out again. Sho did not see him, but Kei most certainly did.

"I'm not high! I'm a fairy, dammit!" Kei shouted at the image as Sho stared at him. With glee.

"If you're a fairy, you have to grant wishes."

"Then _I_ wish..." Kei forgot what he was about to say.

"I wish... that you would let me have my way with-"

"I WISH I WAS A FAIRY!" Kei shouted.

Sho looked at him blankly, not comprehending the workings of a high mind, "I thought you were a fairy."

Kei stared up at the ceiling, "Look! Fairy lights!"

Sho was growing a bit tired of this, "Fairy lights make you fall asleep. Dammit, I refuse not to take advantage of the situation!" Sho pounced. Kei seemed to see him miss, hit the wall, and fall unconscious. In reality, even though he did miss, he ended up falling on top of Kei anyway.

"I... seeeeee... the fairy... lights..." Kei fell unconscious.

"Dammit, it's no fun when he's not awake for it!" Sho looked out the window. There were only a few hours left until dawn. He sighed, "Well, I do know one way to wake him up..." Sho opened his mouth and neared Kei, "Keiiii..." his fangs brushed his fellow vampire's neck.

"The fairies..." Kei whispered in his sleep.

"I'm hungry. I'm _still_ hungry," Sho complained to no one.

Kei woke up, "**Not now**."


	3. Chapter 3

The dark, mysterious figure paused beneath the lampost.

"Kei-kun!" A man in a white trenchcoat joined him. "I'm hungry..."

"Make it stop," Kei groaned.

Sho pouted. "But... but..." Sniffle. "You don't love me anymore?"

"Let's see... no."

He began to whine some more, but paused mid-word. "But-- can I eat that one?" Sho pointed off into a dark alleyway.

Suddenly a loud sound came from the alleyway, as though someone had tripped over a trashcan. A muttered curse was followed by footsteps scurrying away.

------

"Were you out 'vampire hunting' again, sweetie?"

Hughes slumped in his chair, hiding his grimace from his wife. His beautiful wife, who didn't understand his mission. And his cute wonderful Elysia-chan, who just turned four last month! How he hated that his work took so much time away from his amazingly loving family...

But no! He had work to do... and how did those vampires notice him? He had been taking lessons in how to hide from someone who has had that talent passed down through his family for generations! He must practice more...

--------

"And then what did the squirrel do?"

Blink. "Squirrel?"

"You were muttering something about a squirrel just there."

Blink. "I was?"

"No, but you could have been."

Kei rolled his eyes and went back to polishing his gun. "You do realize that when you want to eat someone, you shouldn't announce it. Loudly. To the world. And the prey, idiot."

"I'm hurt," Sho complained sarcastically. "You think I didn't realize that?"

Blink. "Then..."

Grin. "Kei-kun... I'm--"

"If you say that again, I'm going to kill you."

"But I'm already dead."

"I can still throw you outside in the morning."

Pause. "Can I say it more graphically then?"

Sigh.

-----

Back in his kitchen, Hughes was in the midst of a phone call.

"It's my duty to slay the evil vampires, and rescue all the innocents in the world! Like my lovely wife and my beautiful daughter, who turned four last month – she's so cute! Would you like a picture? I can give you a picture, if you want one. –" he cleared his throat, taking on a serious demeanor as he readjusted his glasses, making them flash in the light, "Anyway, I will not rest until the world is free of these horrible fiends. I will save the world!"

"Umm... so you wanted two pepperoni pizzas, extra cheese, right?"

"...Right."

"Alright, thank you for choosing Happy Pizza. Your order will be ready in twenty minutes."

------

A.N. Gomen ne! feikoi got a bit too carried away after our Full Metal Alchemist marathon... We tried to stop her. We did, however, manage to stop Seraphina2 from "saying it more graphically". In a violent manner. feikoi wanted to go graphic in another direction, but managed to scrape up some restraint...


End file.
